Hi, I’m Sarah, welcome to The Daily English Show.
Recently I’ve been enjoying watching an American TV series called Weeds. The series started in August 2005 and so far there have been four seasons. And apparently, there’s going to be two more.
The series is made by Showtime, and you can see some clips from the show on their YouTube channel.
So the video we’re going to study today is a clip from Weeds.
It’s a scene where a guy called Andy is talking to his nephew Shane about masturbation.
Shane’s father is dead, so his mother Nancy has asked Andy to do this.
Weeds: Masturbation Lesson
It’s quite a funny scene and the language is interesting. He talks about masturbation for over two minutes … but he only uses the word masturbation once. Instead he uses slang terms:
jerk the gherkin
tug the tiger
tug your Thomas
polish the raised sceptre of love
There are countless terms for male masturbation – if you look on the internet there are massive lists of terms … and then underneath them there are comments like: what about this one? What about this one?
I think the most common terms used in New Zealand would be wank and toss.
Toss also has other meanings, like “throw away” and Andy recommends using a hand towel: that you don't mind tossing after tossing. Which means a towel that you don’t mind throwing away after masturbating.
Andy uses a couple of idioms.
Firstly: beat around the bush.
Which means: (to) talk about sth for a long time without coming to the main point.
He says: Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush.
So he means, he’s going to get straight to the point.
And then he laughs manically … because beat and bush have other meanings … and you can look them up on Urban Dictionary if you’re not sure what they mean.
And finally he says: practice makes perfect, which is a common idiom that applies to many things like tugging the tiger as Uncle Andy says, and studying English.
※下の『サラのメモ』に"Weeds: Masturbation Lesson"の全スクリプトあります。
The Acadia Report
Today I’m going to show you another one of the residence halls we visited when we were at Acadia. It’s called Chase Court.
A guy called John showed us around. He was the Senior Resident Assistant.
I asked him a few questions like:
Why would you recommend Chase Court?
Well the best thing about Chase Court is that we have all single rooms, so you don’t have to worry about a fussy roommate or a messy roommate, because the room is your own, and you don’t get that in all the residences across campus.
"Chase Court"の最高の点は全部屋シングルルームだと言う事です。 部屋はあなた一人のモノなのでうるさいルームメイトや散らかすルームメイトで迷惑することはありません。 キャンパスにある学生寮ではここだけです。
Why did you decide to be an RA?
I thought that it would be a good thing to do and a good way to meet the people in my section in my building and I like to help people, so I thought that, if I’m an RA, I’d be able to answer people’s questions and help them with their concerns. And that’s what I’ve been doing for two years now.
これは良い行いだと思って、そしてここの住人たちと会える良いチャンスですし人助けが好きだからです。 そこでもし僕がＲＡになったら住人の心配事の相談に乗れると思いました。 それを２年続けています。
Is it a hard job?
Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. Um, if the residents are having a … if they’re being loud or if an emergency happens, then it becomes stressful. But for the most part it’s very rewarding and, and worth it.
ある時は大変である時はそうではないです。 もし住民が騒いだり緊急な出来事があったらストレスになります。 しかしほとんど全てとても良い経験で価値があります。
What kind of things do you do as an RA?
Um, one of the biggest things we do is plan programming. So, ah, section events, and house events, we’ll plan. Maybe we’ll have a games night or we might go bowling in New Minas. We do a lot of things like that. And then, on the more work side of things, we have to do rounds of the building, um, every night. And we have to take care of some paperwork and things like that. But there’s quite a lot of fun and there’s some paperwork and some work.
一つにはイベント企画があります。 セクション・イベントとハウス・イベントを企画します。 ある時はゲーム・ナイト、ある時はNew Minasでボーリングしたり、それ以外も色々企画します。 そして労働面では毎晩建物の見まわりをします。 ペーパーワークもあります。 しかしそれらもけっこう楽しみながらやっています。
Kia Ora in Stick News today, a bride in London was arrested and handcuffed in her wedding dress.
Marmalade is usually made from oranges
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?
Um, same thing, pretty much …
So, marmalade is just orange jam?
Yeah. No … actually, you can have marmalade made from grapefruit or other citrus fruits. But marmalade is usually made from oranges.
How about “papalade”?
Acadia University, Nova Scotia, Canada
Study English at Acadia University
Residence Halls at Acadia University
beat at Urban Dictionary
bush at Urban Dictionary
lists of masturbation terms:
Weeds: Masturbation Lesson
Alright, listen closely. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Ha ha ha, ha ha ha. Your little body's changing - it's all good, believe me. Problem now is ... every time we jerk the gherkin, we end up with a lot of unwanted sticky white stuff everywhere, right? Right. So ... first order of business - no more socks. They're expensive, gumming up the works plumbing-wise. Now you might be thinking to yourself, "But, Uncle Andy, what do I do with all that pearl jam if I can't spew it into Mr Sock?" Glad you asked - you can have a lovely time tugging the tiger in the shower each morning - that eliminates the need for a goo glove. But, the day is long, masturbation's fun, so unless we want to take four or five showers every day, we're going to need some other options here.
So let's start with the basics. Tissues - perfectly acceptable backstop for all that creamy italian. They can be rough and dry on such soft, sensitive skin, not to mention it can stick to your dick head like a fucking band-aid - ouch. From there we move on to more lubricated flack catchers - specifically, bananas. Step one: Peel the banana. Step two: Slip the peel over your randy johnson and start pitching. Now for extra credit, warm up the peel in the microwave. Not too hot! Serious yowza. Also, olive oil, moisturizer, honey, spit, butter, hair conditioner, and vaseline can all be used for lube. In my opinion, the best lube ... is lube. So save your allowance, invest in some soon.
Alright, moving on - when you tug your Thomas on the toilet - ffft - shoot right into the bowl. In bed - soft t-shirt, perhaps a downy hand towel of your very own that you don't mind tossing after tossing. There's no such thing as polishing the raised sceptre of love too much. It reduces stress, it enhances immune function. Also, practice makes perfect. So work on your control now, while you're a solo artist, you'll be playing some long, happy duets in the future. Alright, class dismissed. Hey, homework.
Show 843 Thursday 2 October
The Daily English Show