Recently YouTube featured some videos of speeches from some university graduation ceremonies in America and I watched a few of them. And I thought some of them were really funny and inspiring – and some of them didn’t really do it for me.
One of the videos I really liked was actually from a few years ago. It was a video of Ellen DeGeneres speaking at a university in 2006.
She spoke briefly at this graduation ceremony – and I thought it was pretty funny. I’m going to talk about some of the jokes, so go and watch it now if you want them to be a surprise.
The first joke is that she is wearing a bathrobe and she says: They told me everybody would be wearing robes. Because the special clothes that people wear at these ceremonies are also called robes.
Another funny thing is that it’s a very formal situation and most of the speakers say very formal things – but she says stuff that you wouldn’t normally say in that situation, like: Who's as hungover as I am? Anybody?
And then she talks about the microphones. She says: And why the two mics? Why not just one?
And my favourite lines are … firstly this one, near the end, she says: That's all really. I know you're tired, but … And then you think that she’s going to say an important, brief point. But she says: there's a book I'd like to repeat to you.
And then at the end she says: I do want to say it's important as you go out into the world to remember … And this is the kind of thing that people say before giving a profound piece of advice … but she says: my show is on at different times in different cities.
A girl in Belgium has 56 stars tattooed on her face. She says she asked the artist for three stars and blames language difficulties for the miscommunication. She also claims she fell asleep while she was getting the tattoo and woke up to what she calls a nightmare. But the tattoo artist says she was happy with the work when she left the shop and changed her mind when her father saw her face.
And that was Stick News for Thursday 18th of June. Kia ora.
If a part of your body is numb, you can’t feel anything in it.
For example, your toes can be numb if it’s really cold. Or your facecan be numb after you go to the dentist. And if you sit down for too long, your bottom can become numb.
During graduation ceremonies people have to sit down for a long time and in her speech Ellen said: Who's arse is completely numb? Anybody? Who has any feeling?
conversations withsarah I didn’t go
Dave What was your graduation ceremony like? あなたの大学卒業式はどうだった？
Sarah I don’t know. I didn’t go. 行かなかったから分かりません。
Dave Why not? なぜ行かなかった？
Sarah Partly because I couldn’t really afford it. I’d already borrowed so much money to pay for the degree that it seemed kind of stupid to borrow even more just to go to a ceremony. お金が無かったのが理由の一部。 学位をもらう為にすでに多額の借金をしているのに、セレモニーに参加するためだけに借金を増やすのはバカげていると思ったから。
Dave Was it really expensive? 参加費用は高かった？
Sarah Um, I can’t remember how much it would have cost. But I know you had to buy tickets and you also had to hire the costume … thing. いくらだったかハッキリ覚えていないけど、チケットを買って、衣装を借りてってなると、それなりにカネがかかるでしょう。
Dave But you still got the degree? 卒業式に参加しなくても学位はもらえるの？
Sarah Yeah, yeah. You don’t have to go to the ceremony, they post you the certificate. もちろん。 卒業式に参加しなかった人には郵送で証書が送られます。
They told me everybody would be wearing robes. Anybody staying at the ? Could you return this for me? That would great.
Who's as hungover as I am? Anybody?
And why the two mics? Why not just one? What happens if I talk in this one? Why? Is this one better?
This is, ah, I was in town and, ah, whenever I get a chance to speak after presidents, I say, "Get me in there".
And this is the closest I'll ever come to graduating, so I thought I would join you.
I never went to collage. I lived here. I was born and raised here. My mother worked at Nucam (?), ah, when I was a little girl, so I spent time here. She left a sweater, if anybody sees it, it's blue. Or green. I don’t remember, I was little.
Um, seriously, ah, you're, you’re amazing people. You're a very famous graduating class, as you know. Ah, to go through what you've gone through, to, to get this far and all of a sudden have to be displaced and go to different schools is, ah, is quite an experience, that I think will form you, shape you and, and, ah, and mould you and suddenly you're jello, um.
I don't know what to say.
Ah, really, I came up with ... you know, to take care of yourselves, cause when you’re younger you don’t really listen … your parents tell you … and so I, I really want to say, exfoliate, ah, no wait, hydrate is first, then exfoliate, and then moisturise, and then exercise and then floss. So HEMEF, if you can remember that, that way, HEMEF.
OK. Love you.
Um. That's all really. I know you're tired, but there's a book I'd like to repeat to you. And show you a quick film.
Who's arse is completely numb? Anybody? Who has any feeling? Any hands?
No, you, ah, you deserve to go. So I really just, I just, I do want to say it's important as you go out into the world to remember my show is on at different times in different cities. So check your local listings and ... for times and channels.
Good luck everybody!
filming notes The photos for today's ending were taken today (Thursday 18th June 2009) at MSK JR Apartment in Kutchan, Hokkaido, Japan.